The cost of bulimia

I struggled with bulimia from the age of fourteen until thirty-eight.

That's a span of twenty-four years.

During these twenty-four years, there were about three years when I didn’t engage in bulimia.

Therefore, I practiced bulimia for the remaining twenty-one years.

That equates to approximately 7,660 days with bulimia.

I spent between $5 and $300 daily, averaging around $50 per day.

This amounts to a total of $383,000

spent on food that I ultimately threw up and flushed away.

Additionally, there are dental costs.

I've spent about $80,000 on dental treatments due to bulimia-related damage, with more expenses expected.

Furthermore, I invested a significant amount in treatments, special diets, and supplements to repair the damage to my body caused by bulimia, totaling around $50,000.

Adding everything up, bulimia has cost me approximately $500,000.

It has also cost me much more: many friendships, and numerous life opportunities…

Still I am thankful that bulimia was there as a crutch because I believe that without it, I might not have survived.

I'm very grateful to be free today - it was a nightmare.

A nightmare that taught me a lot:

How to take good care of myself, how to nurture my body and soul, to set boundaries or reach out for help.

It taught me how important it is to listen to my feelings and my needs, and to take them seriously.

It showed me an authentic path.

It forced me to look at my own shadows and be really honest in that, to face pain and illusions and let go of what no longer serves me. I had to give up crutches so muscles could develop and dare to jump into unknown territory.

It compelled me to become humble and ask for mercy, reach out to God, and surrender to the divine forces.

It ultimately forced me to look inside, find everything I have been looking for on the outside within—and melt with the stillness and deep peace that is there, always available.

What a powerful teacher I had!

More than twenty years ago, I was released by grace because I was ready to live without the severe and strict teachings of bulimia.

I had developed enough love, humbleness, strength, willingness, consciousness, peace, connection, and structure to walk without it.

I now have different teachers who are more gentle, and I am thankful for my life.

The journey was profound and challenging, one I wouldn't wish upon anyone else. However, I am aware that right now, numerous people, particularly women, are experiencing the same hell.

I wish for all of them to discover their path to freedom.